Personal Experience With Recovery

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Bill

Positive Psychology - A Consumer's Story - Todd Mueller

This story is part of an ongoing series about people who have mental illness and are beginning to find or have found a meaningful level of recovery. I think it’s good to hear the experiences of others who are dealing with their own mental illnesses. We can use these to help us accept ourselves and identify our issues in a tender and loving way. Todd is a wonderful man and has made some great strides in his life. I would expect this to continue as he becomes more involved in the clubhouse where he is a member.

Hello My Name Is Todd Mueller And This Is My Story

I had a normal childhood. I had excellent scores in grade school. But high school was a different story. I started going to parties when I was 15 and continued until I was 23. I turned 18 in my senior year and was able to go to bars. When I graduated in 1977, jobs were plentiful. I started working at Manitowoc Ice.when I turned 23 I met my wife Ronnie and was married in 1985.

My misery started in 1999 with backaches. I tried Vicodin and it didn’t help. I was sent to Green Bay and put on an old antidepressant called amitriptyline. It worked. I saw many doctors and made many trips to to clinics and hospitals including the Marshfield clinic. From the numerous MRIs, CT scans and a spinal tap, the doctors diagnosed me as having migraines. My migraines happen on a daily basis so I stayed in the dark as much as I could.

You can’t imagine the suffering I had. The physical illnesses were constantly rolling around in my head. Finally I started to realize something else was wrong. Mental illness. Finally the clinic in Two Rivers talked to me about seeing a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist was in the Manitowoc. She said I had anxiety, and gave me some medication samples and sent me on my way. The second time I saw her was in the waiting room and I was crying. The next week I committed myself to holy family mental health unit with a nervous breakdown. I stayed in there for six days. I met a psychiatrist there. That was 1999. He worked with me until 2002 and said he could not help me anymore and that I should go to Green Bay. That is when I quit my job. I could function no more.

Todd Mueller -Photo Credit William Ehrendreich

I found a psychiatrist in Green Bay and the first thing he said after looking at me is you need to get on disability. He interviewed me for two hours. Diagnosis: severe bipolar mixed type I and type II and also an anxiety disorder. After two tries and a lawyer I got my disability. My psychiatrist and I continue to work on combinations of medications that helped me for about three years. I had faith in him. We finally came up with a combination of medications that help me. We worked together when I needed adjustments or am depressed or stressed out. I sometimes have suicidal thoughts. The migraines were resolved by a knowledgeable neurologist with a daily medication which I still take today. In approximately 2005 I started to drink in bars again. This put a big strain on my marriage. Finally I quit in drinking entirely in 2010. I have not had a beer since.

I started seeing the new therapist in 2012. She found painting pathways clubhouse on the Internet. She printed it out and I decided to give it a try. I was impressed. I became a member a week later. I now know other people who have mental illnesses and could speak to them freely about it. I’m learning to build self-confidence. I’m getting a sense of being somebody. People take me as I am and I can trust them. I even laugh once in awhile. This is because I’m happy to be here! I try to stay busy and take short breaks in between my projects. Just like my recovery, there will be baby steps.

I tried to take a large leap a few weeks ago but just went backwards for about three days. The staff members told me to take it easy but I did not listen. I think I now know better. From now on I will take their advice in consideration. This is also a part of my recovery.

My psychiatrist does not want me working right now because I can’t take the stress he’s afraid I will go backwards and then Roni, my wife, gets the brunt of my stress.I look at painting pathways as a means to get success. I am learning to navigate on the computers. I’m learning new ways to meet people. I’m helping others and I am volunteering. I have a feeling of usefulness. When I came here I was afraid of starting a conversation and now I’ve overcome that. I will talk to anyone who just like a conversation or to help guide them to where they want to go. I would like to thank my wife for sticking with me through the difficult times then, now, and in the future.

I think I see a pattern that is beginning to to develop. A loving and accepting community helps to build the confidence and compassion that a person needs to renovate their lives. If you have a mental illness and are struggling with it, I would urge you to seek out recovery-based organizations and practices. Soon perhaps, you too will be able to create your own positive psychology story. Soon, you’ll be able to celebrate your own success and him recovery.

Practices & Methods: Crisis De-Escallation

Anger Controlls Him (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Psychological Crisis

Often a person who is in a psychological crisis does not have the tools to ask for help. These individuals are likely to act out. Is important that all people who work with those who have a mental illness including law enforcement officers, counselors, and peer support specialists have a good understanding of what it takes to help move a person from that place when they're angry and confused. 


It is possible for someone to be diverted from doing dangerous acts to themselves and others. The formalized name for this process is called crisis de-escalation. Crisis de-escalation relies on the development of good communication skills in addition to good situational awareness.

In a recent experience that I had with an individual at a peer supported recovery-based program, someone with significant mental health problems was triggered by a seemingly harmless joke. The individual who made this joke had no intention of indicating disapproval. It was not intended to make this person angry. It happened anyway. This person began to make threats and was extremely agitated because he felt like his personal welfare and self-esteem had been significantly impaired.

Mental illness & Prison

 (Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)

He had a very difficult time hearing the apology or the sincere desire for his welfare, care, and safety as well as those who surrounded him. Through the process of crisis de-escalation this young man was helped to make successful choices and was safely diverted to a crisis intervention center instead of jail or prison.

I have to consider this a victory. I have been working for many years to increase both my communication skills and my ability to help people achieve meaningful recovery. Along the way I have had many experiences with people who are in crisis situations. I have experienced this as an instructor for law enforcement officials, crisis intervention workers, peer support specialists, and other professionals.

Show Human Empathy

When we observe someone who's in a crisis mode, there are several important factors to remember. If you're experiencing a person in crisis as a law enforcement officer, you may be trained to intervene immediately. This is not always the best response. Take the time that is required to make an investment in the person. Be aware of tactics. If you reach the end of your ability to cope with a situation give the individual some space and take a deep breath. Do what you can to deal with a person with your communication skills. Some people will not be able to deal with their pains and fears. For police officers it is important to have one officer provide support to that person. While this is going on, rely on other officers to establish a safety zone for you and the person that you are dealing with. This will also help you to deal with other types of violent situations. I have read too many reports of officers who were dispatched to a domestic violence situation and have gotten hurt in the process. No one wants to face this.

Self-awareness

It is important to watch your own emotions during this process. It is easy to get excited, angry or frustrated with an individual who seems non-compliant, irrational, or angry. The idea behind crisis de-escalation is to take your time, be compassionate, and begin to develop trust with an individual. If you show your anger and frustration it is very likely to increase anxiety in the other person. You have to show active leadership without further threatening the person who is struggling.

Permit Silence

If someone doesn't immediately respond to a question or statement be patient. With the

Contemporary rendering of a poster from the United Kingdom reading "Keep Calm and Carry On", created during World War II. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

intensity of feelings it is very likely that the person may not hear what you have said. This is not a sign of being non-compliant. If you allow for a moment of silence it's much less likely that you will get less frustrated and so will the other individual.

Give Clear Messages

If you give mixed signals it is reasonable to believe that a person who is in mental trauma will feel destabilized by your communications. It will foster a feeling of further confusion and trauma. It may excite a person to take an aggressive stance and hurt themselves or someone else. 


Along with clear messages it is also vitally important to manage the pace of the conversation. Think about how you like to be treated when you're angry frustrated or scared. Sometimes it might just take a minute to calm down so it's important to give them some space not only physically but in the messages that you give. 


It's fair to give them a moment to consider their options. They may not realize they have any. Often when a person is in psychological trauma they can't find a way to deal with their suffering. They really just want someone who can take over making most decisions. They want someone who can take gentle control. They may not feel that they can decide what to do. Options is the key. Combine options with a bit of leadership and it will make a big difference.

Reinforce positive behaviors

Nobody likes to be criticized. When a stressed-out individual agrees to take a less aggressive response try thanking him or communicate your appreciation. Recognize that they are trying to do what they can to avert a negative situation for themselves or others. They just want the pain to go away. They may not be able to ask for help or understand what would help the situation. When you reinforce positive behaviors they will begin to get confidence in your ability to help them find a safe way out.

Training and education on crisis de-escalation

There are many great resources for individuals who want to learn more about crisis de-escalation. Publications from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, particularly the GAINS center focuses on support and training for those dealing with people with a mental health issue. This training is not just for professionals. Much of this training can be translated into good communication skills to assist with loved ones who are going through a traumatic process. There are many other excellent training resources. In the end learning to develop good communication skills, compassion, and forward thinking helps us all.