Alas Poor Vince I Knew Him Well - Suicide of A Kind Soul

Suffering (Photo credit: Mockney Rebel)

Last week, one of the people that I have been privileged to work with found that life was too difficult to bear. It would seem that he had no self-preservation instinct left at all. I know this place all to well. I have been there too. The difference between Vince and myself is that I got caught.

This man may have been one of the most kind and gentle souls that I have ever known. He lived in absolute terror for many years. He had the overwhelming feeling and belief that people were watching him and out to get him. Unfortunately many of the people who were supposed to be looking out for him fell short of their responsibility. I say this because I have heard comments from other practitioners who did not accept that he had strong paranoid beliefs. I’m not writing this to condemn them. I am however suggesting that it is very easy for us to discredit the feelings and symptoms of those people that we work with. I think that this is somewhat understandable with the enormous caseloads and limited resources that many of us have to help others.

It’s very likely that in this case his kind and gentle demeanor worked against him. It simply amazed me that anybody who was so kind and gracious could believe that people were out to get him. We talked often. I never doubted that he was scared. I never doubted that he was troubled. We walked side-by-side, hand-in-hand, together for a while.. On a daily basis I saw how much fear this man went through. It may sound odd, but I don’t mourn his death. Death comes to us all. What I do mourn is his suffering. Perhaps this is because suffering is something that almost everybody can identify with.

The Buddha suggests that all of life can offer the substance of suffering. Life involves suffering. Death involves suffering. Sickness involves suffering. Getting what you want involves suffering. Getting what you don’t want involves suffering, the more we struggle to hold on to everything, the more we suffer. Life is a process of constant change and continued losses.

We do not ultimately become happy because of that car, that girl, that job, or any other external factor. When we cannot see anything but incomprehensible fear, none of these things can have a lasting positive impact. All of these things will feel like a loss in time. This is particularly true in the case of people who have mental illnesses. Unless you have lived in this space you may not truly be able to understand. I don’t believe anyone wishes to have a life comprised of a repressive mind. Perhaps this is why I am not trying to impeach the practitioners that he worked with. It can be very difficult to identify with the details and the symptoms unless we can make a comparison to our own suffering. How can we clearly look at someone who has a mental illness? What factors occlude our views of others?

I think there’s a trap that we set for ourselves when we work with others. Do we see those  that we work with as people? Can we recognize their humanity, or do we see them as a collection of symptoms? Do we see them as a diagnosis? Without the recognition of their humanity you cannot make a lasting impact on somebody’s life. Unfortunately, the way that these cases are delivered to us are via a diagnosis and symptoms. These diagnoses indicate certain protocols. It would seem that there is a one-sized, fits all, application of treatment. This does not work well in an environment where each individual has their own set of challenges.

Each of us, has our own path up the mountain. Due to this, I would like to challenge those who work with those who suffer to see each person in a holistic light. Strive to not see them as just a diagnosis. Strive to see the diagnosis as a description, a general description, of a predicament. When we look at our treatment protocols, we have to consider the whole person in order to help them. We have to look beyond the newest fads in treatments. Instead we should look at working with people as other craftsmen look at their trade. A master craftsman looks at his projects to find their hidden potential and selects his tools carefully to affect that outcome. I would like to urge all of us to look at people in this way. Hopefully, we will become ever more experienced at creatively meeting the needs  of others.

For me Vince will have a lasting legacy. He is such an excellent example of a compassionate soul that he has taught me a lot. These lessons have been incorporated into my set of tools. With each individual that I meet, I seek that hidden potential. Perhaps the example that he set with his gentle and kind manner can lead me to better understand those around me. I am certain that it will help me to continue to look at people with compassion and hope. I am confident that through his example I can increase my ability to be a servant to those around me.

Vince, I want to thank you for all that you’ve taught me and the confidence that you put in me. To gladden the mind we need to consider things a virtue. Without a doubt, my time with you, and my experiences of you, are full of virtue. With your passing, I will celebrate your life in the best way that I can. You will be with me always.