Personal Experience With Recovery

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Bill

Positive Psychology - A Consumer's Story - Todd Mueller

This story is part of an ongoing series about people who have mental illness and are beginning to find or have found a meaningful level of recovery. I think it’s good to hear the experiences of others who are dealing with their own mental illnesses. We can use these to help us accept ourselves and identify our issues in a tender and loving way. Todd is a wonderful man and has made some great strides in his life. I would expect this to continue as he becomes more involved in the clubhouse where he is a member.

Hello My Name Is Todd Mueller And This Is My Story

I had a normal childhood. I had excellent scores in grade school. But high school was a different story. I started going to parties when I was 15 and continued until I was 23. I turned 18 in my senior year and was able to go to bars. When I graduated in 1977, jobs were plentiful. I started working at Manitowoc Ice.when I turned 23 I met my wife Ronnie and was married in 1985.

My misery started in 1999 with backaches. I tried Vicodin and it didn’t help. I was sent to Green Bay and put on an old antidepressant called amitriptyline. It worked. I saw many doctors and made many trips to to clinics and hospitals including the Marshfield clinic. From the numerous MRIs, CT scans and a spinal tap, the doctors diagnosed me as having migraines. My migraines happen on a daily basis so I stayed in the dark as much as I could.

You can’t imagine the suffering I had. The physical illnesses were constantly rolling around in my head. Finally I started to realize something else was wrong. Mental illness. Finally the clinic in Two Rivers talked to me about seeing a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist was in the Manitowoc. She said I had anxiety, and gave me some medication samples and sent me on my way. The second time I saw her was in the waiting room and I was crying. The next week I committed myself to holy family mental health unit with a nervous breakdown. I stayed in there for six days. I met a psychiatrist there. That was 1999. He worked with me until 2002 and said he could not help me anymore and that I should go to Green Bay. That is when I quit my job. I could function no more.

Todd Mueller -Photo Credit William Ehrendreich

I found a psychiatrist in Green Bay and the first thing he said after looking at me is you need to get on disability. He interviewed me for two hours. Diagnosis: severe bipolar mixed type I and type II and also an anxiety disorder. After two tries and a lawyer I got my disability. My psychiatrist and I continue to work on combinations of medications that helped me for about three years. I had faith in him. We finally came up with a combination of medications that help me. We worked together when I needed adjustments or am depressed or stressed out. I sometimes have suicidal thoughts. The migraines were resolved by a knowledgeable neurologist with a daily medication which I still take today. In approximately 2005 I started to drink in bars again. This put a big strain on my marriage. Finally I quit in drinking entirely in 2010. I have not had a beer since.

I started seeing the new therapist in 2012. She found painting pathways clubhouse on the Internet. She printed it out and I decided to give it a try. I was impressed. I became a member a week later. I now know other people who have mental illnesses and could speak to them freely about it. I’m learning to build self-confidence. I’m getting a sense of being somebody. People take me as I am and I can trust them. I even laugh once in awhile. This is because I’m happy to be here! I try to stay busy and take short breaks in between my projects. Just like my recovery, there will be baby steps.

I tried to take a large leap a few weeks ago but just went backwards for about three days. The staff members told me to take it easy but I did not listen. I think I now know better. From now on I will take their advice in consideration. This is also a part of my recovery.

My psychiatrist does not want me working right now because I can’t take the stress he’s afraid I will go backwards and then Roni, my wife, gets the brunt of my stress.I look at painting pathways as a means to get success. I am learning to navigate on the computers. I’m learning new ways to meet people. I’m helping others and I am volunteering. I have a feeling of usefulness. When I came here I was afraid of starting a conversation and now I’ve overcome that. I will talk to anyone who just like a conversation or to help guide them to where they want to go. I would like to thank my wife for sticking with me through the difficult times then, now, and in the future.

I think I see a pattern that is beginning to to develop. A loving and accepting community helps to build the confidence and compassion that a person needs to renovate their lives. If you have a mental illness and are struggling with it, I would urge you to seek out recovery-based organizations and practices. Soon perhaps, you too will be able to create your own positive psychology story. Soon, you’ll be able to celebrate your own success and him recovery.

Practices & Methods: Crisis De-Escallation

Anger Controlls Him (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Psychological Crisis

Often a person who is in a psychological crisis does not have the tools to ask for help. These individuals are likely to act out. Is important that all people who work with those who have a mental illness including law enforcement officers, counselors, and peer support specialists have a good understanding of what it takes to help move a person from that place when they're angry and confused. 


It is possible for someone to be diverted from doing dangerous acts to themselves and others. The formalized name for this process is called crisis de-escalation. Crisis de-escalation relies on the development of good communication skills in addition to good situational awareness.

In a recent experience that I had with an individual at a peer supported recovery-based program, someone with significant mental health problems was triggered by a seemingly harmless joke. The individual who made this joke had no intention of indicating disapproval. It was not intended to make this person angry. It happened anyway. This person began to make threats and was extremely agitated because he felt like his personal welfare and self-esteem had been significantly impaired.

Mental illness & Prison

 (Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)

He had a very difficult time hearing the apology or the sincere desire for his welfare, care, and safety as well as those who surrounded him. Through the process of crisis de-escalation this young man was helped to make successful choices and was safely diverted to a crisis intervention center instead of jail or prison.

I have to consider this a victory. I have been working for many years to increase both my communication skills and my ability to help people achieve meaningful recovery. Along the way I have had many experiences with people who are in crisis situations. I have experienced this as an instructor for law enforcement officials, crisis intervention workers, peer support specialists, and other professionals.

Show Human Empathy

When we observe someone who's in a crisis mode, there are several important factors to remember. If you're experiencing a person in crisis as a law enforcement officer, you may be trained to intervene immediately. This is not always the best response. Take the time that is required to make an investment in the person. Be aware of tactics. If you reach the end of your ability to cope with a situation give the individual some space and take a deep breath. Do what you can to deal with a person with your communication skills. Some people will not be able to deal with their pains and fears. For police officers it is important to have one officer provide support to that person. While this is going on, rely on other officers to establish a safety zone for you and the person that you are dealing with. This will also help you to deal with other types of violent situations. I have read too many reports of officers who were dispatched to a domestic violence situation and have gotten hurt in the process. No one wants to face this.

Self-awareness

It is important to watch your own emotions during this process. It is easy to get excited, angry or frustrated with an individual who seems non-compliant, irrational, or angry. The idea behind crisis de-escalation is to take your time, be compassionate, and begin to develop trust with an individual. If you show your anger and frustration it is very likely to increase anxiety in the other person. You have to show active leadership without further threatening the person who is struggling.

Permit Silence

If someone doesn't immediately respond to a question or statement be patient. With the

Contemporary rendering of a poster from the United Kingdom reading "Keep Calm and Carry On", created during World War II. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

intensity of feelings it is very likely that the person may not hear what you have said. This is not a sign of being non-compliant. If you allow for a moment of silence it's much less likely that you will get less frustrated and so will the other individual.

Give Clear Messages

If you give mixed signals it is reasonable to believe that a person who is in mental trauma will feel destabilized by your communications. It will foster a feeling of further confusion and trauma. It may excite a person to take an aggressive stance and hurt themselves or someone else. 


Along with clear messages it is also vitally important to manage the pace of the conversation. Think about how you like to be treated when you're angry frustrated or scared. Sometimes it might just take a minute to calm down so it's important to give them some space not only physically but in the messages that you give. 


It's fair to give them a moment to consider their options. They may not realize they have any. Often when a person is in psychological trauma they can't find a way to deal with their suffering. They really just want someone who can take over making most decisions. They want someone who can take gentle control. They may not feel that they can decide what to do. Options is the key. Combine options with a bit of leadership and it will make a big difference.

Reinforce positive behaviors

Nobody likes to be criticized. When a stressed-out individual agrees to take a less aggressive response try thanking him or communicate your appreciation. Recognize that they are trying to do what they can to avert a negative situation for themselves or others. They just want the pain to go away. They may not be able to ask for help or understand what would help the situation. When you reinforce positive behaviors they will begin to get confidence in your ability to help them find a safe way out.

Training and education on crisis de-escalation

There are many great resources for individuals who want to learn more about crisis de-escalation. Publications from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, particularly the GAINS center focuses on support and training for those dealing with people with a mental health issue. This training is not just for professionals. Much of this training can be translated into good communication skills to assist with loved ones who are going through a traumatic process. There are many other excellent training resources. In the end learning to develop good communication skills, compassion, and forward thinking helps us all.

How To Be The Shaman In Your Own Life

Goldes shaman priest in his regalia (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When you stop to think of it, the best medicine that we experience enters into our lives when we can understand how to heal our whole life. This happens when we accept the individual truths that we have. These truths are like those of Gandhi. 

In his, "experiments in truth", he found a much more pure path for himself when he looked honestly at each moment. He transformed his commitment to consistency of truth to the acceptance of current truth, examined under the lens of compassion.  It is said that , "each pilgrim has their own path up the mountain." This Buddhist's contribution to understanding counsels us to view our basic needs in a broad yet simple manner. This is seconded by Gandhi's encouragement; do so renewed in each moment and each state of being.

Shamans aptly describe our nature as if we are spirits wrapped in dirt. This dirt is the vary substance of the universe. It is matter. This gives a cocoon for, "us", to dwell in. Our bodies are the, "spacesuits," in which we exist. Most spiritual or vision led healers heal mind, body, and spirit. When we understand how we see things, we start finding the best medical practices for ourselves. This change in understanding is exactly what the shaman is hoping that you find. The answer then comes from the doctor with in. In doing this we stand one step closer to our own healer or shamanic nature.

Almost all of the shamanic traditions include some version of  a, "vision-quest". This is a process where we learn to transcend our egos. It helps to remove the critical portions of our being and it allows us to just experience. 

The real substance of shamanic healing is what we take from these experiences. The impression that this makes on us helps us to choose our point of view. These conclusions can be very instructive. They help us identify what we truly believe. Seeing this clearly is how we are empowered like the shaman is to heal. We can practice the medicine that best suits the needs of the soul, spirit and body.

Deutsch: Mohandas K. Gandhi (1869-1948), politischer und spiritueller Führer von Indien. Ort unbekannt English: Mohandas K. Gandhi (1869-1948), political and spiritual leader of India. Location unknown. Français : Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948), Guide politique et spirituel de l'Inde. Lieu inconnu. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The sages tell us that this is how we can heal whole lives. It helps us to find healing in a personal way. The, "spirit-led" doctor seeks, with their visions and instruction, to help us contend with the struggles of our reality. It is how we can influence our own existence in this landscape of life. Physicist Werner Heisenberg and others suggest that matter does not exist unless it is observed. It is only the potential to, "be," anything. We create our world by how we see it.

On this basis another physics thought experiment, Schrödinger's Cat, gives a hypothetical consideration about what a cat would experience if locked in a box. In this postulate, the box is hardened against all detection of events within. There is no ability to observe anything accept the qualities that are presented by the exterior of the box. This incidentally establishes the box as matter.

While the box's external is established by our perception, the actual status of the cat becomes questionable. Since there is no one to observe the cat, does it really exist? There is no observation at all. There is nothing to establish the particular properties of the universe without rational conception of being.

The shamanic schools are built upon this rationale. What you really think about your life is why you have the reality that you have. How you really feel about things is what matters. It is, in fact, matter. When we begin to step out of our drama and seek visions, we begin to notice something. We can change our lives by how we choose to see them. It affords us options in the quality of the life that we experience. We can maintain a perspective of wellness. We can have the serenity of confidently and purposely established constitution. We can have a high quality of life.

This mind over matter helps us to create our existence each day. It could be considered to be our form of cybernetic connection to the universe. This is where we affect the all. It is how to have life and life more abundantly. 

Werner Heisenberg (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In the case of Schrödinger's Cat, to help "isolate" it from manipulation, conditions existed to keep it from external jeopardy. There was randomly offered, "uncontrolled" peril for the cat. This stipulation existed insuring that you would never know if the cat was ever able to be perceived as alive. We can also learn from this. When begin to see our medicine as the medicine-men of old, we are forced to confront our existence beyond the body. The mystical healers urge us to understand that we fight a losing battle trying to preserve our bodies.

We are beings that are much broader and dynamic than our bodies which are fixed in time. We are eternal beings. What we truly seek is to prosper and perpetuate the being within. If we take the most wholesome practice of our medicine and apply it to ourselves and to others, we not only live better but so do they. This is what makes us all the shaman, the visionary, the ones who heal by faith. It is in this moment we can look at our lives with gratefulness. This is when we can take assurance that we have found the path and restore our wellness. With this revelation absorbed, you have become the shaman for yourself.

What Does It Mean To Be Mindful?

There are a lot of words that we could use when talking about being mindful. In its essence mindfulness is being aware in the present moment. Much of the time our attention is in

vested in our passions about the past. This is because our process of growth has given a foot hold on those memories. Our minds give a sense of present reality to feelings that you have at this time about our past and tries to speculate about our futures. Our minds are constantly drifting in and out of awareness.

For example, for those of us who are old enough to remember when most clocks ticked you would notice the sound. If you apply yourself to something like reading a book your attention becomes captivated by the content. When we stop reading we begin to notice things around us and we notice again the sound of the clock. Our reality is closely tied to what we are aware of. There is a part of you that notices everything. It does not judge and does not get distracted. It is the observer.

Deepak Chopra, (www.deepakchopra.com) who teaches mindfulness as a part of a process of spiritual, physical and mental health suggests that we can step back and look at ourselves in a mindful manner. This ability to be mindful comes when we understand ourselves as one person in several states. There is part of us that observes, there is that part of ourselves that is invested in the process observing, and the part that evaluates what we observe. The more we identify with the part that observes, impartially without getting caught up, the more we begin to have the ability to be mindful about our lives.

While there are many methods for fostering a mindful awareness, most are comprised of practices that quiet the mind. A quiet mind helps us to not get swept away. A quiet mind helps us identify

Jan3 Mindfulness Journal (Photo credit: maile&justin)

 less with the experience and more with the one that experiences. As we have a quiet mind we can begin to watch our thoughts and feelings. As we watch our thoughts and feelings we develop the ability to choose our reactions to what we feel, think and see the world.

The Buddhist have a saying, "There are many paths up the mountain" or sometime it is put as, "There are many paths to God". In mindfulness training you may find that certain paths fit your needs better than others. For some people meditation methods such as watching yourself breathe works to foster a "present awareness". Others may find a simple stroll does the trick. Maybe a good bath puts you in that place where you can watch everything in the present moment. It really does not matter which path, school or technique that you choose if they work for you they will all lead to the same place.

This is a place of personal empowerment and peace. For one who is mindful has the power to do anything they want. We only have this moment. Yesterday is just merely a memory and tomorrow a dream. Right now at this moment, with the power of mindfulness behind you your life can be forever changed.

Bipolar Disorder In Children

What Is Bipolar Disorder?

According to the National Institute Of Mental Health (NIMH) Bipolar Disorder is a serious mental illness that can affect the brain. While less diagnosed, Bipolar Disorder in children can have as much impact as adults with Bipolar Disorder. In the past Bipolar Disorder was known as manic-depression. The term manic-depression is less used today. In basic terms a Bipolar person experiences cycles of unusually intense emotional states. These emotional states are typically seen as periods of either intense high or low emotions. These states of mind and emotion are distinctive.

From time to time we all may feel depression. For individuals with Bipolar Disorder, the depressive phase tends to be extreme. This depression if often incapacitating. This may lead to prolonged or frequent absences from work, school, or other important responsibilities. Bipolar depression may impact personal hygiene and physical wellness. Bipolar Disorder in children has been linked to poor school attendance, behavioral problems, and academic failure. 

As we can see the depressive phase can have significant impact. Bipolar mania may be just as troublesome. Bipolar mania is characterized by periods of extreme energy, excessive and fragmented speech, and often wild or intense beliefs. For example a person in a state of intense Bipolar mania may think that they are somehow superhuman in aspects of their lives. For some this manifests as a completely delusional state of mind. At this level Bipolar Disorder can have a significant impact on both the Bipolar person and those around them. Other symptoms of Bipolar mania can include; Extreme happiness or silliness, rapid speech, trouble falling asleep, loss of focus, risky behaviors, sexual extremes. 

Bipolar Disorder should be diagnosed by an experienced physician. Bipolar Disorder in children can often be a complicated diagnosis. Both children and teenagers can show signs of Bipolar Disorder that are actually symptoms of ADHD or other serious medical conditions. This makes it hard to diagnose children with this disease. 

There are generally three types of Bipolar Disorder that are diagnosed. These are; Bipolar type I, type II, and Bipolar effective. Bipolar I & II are generally determined by the speed that the cycles of the depression and mania. 

Bipolar Disorder Associated With Other Medical Conditions

Percent of Youth 4-17 ever diagnosed with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder: National Survey of Children's Health, 2007 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It is likely that persons with Bipolar Disorder may experience other related medical conditions. Doctors refer to these other conditions as being, "co-morbid". These co-morbid aspects may show up as; substance abuse, Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Anxiety disorders, Separation Disorder and others. Sometimes the Bipolar Disorder co-morbidity may be due to side effects of the medications that are given to treat the disease. It is quite common to find a Bipolar patient is over-weight, has elevated blood sugars which may lead to diabetes, or in the case of medicines like Lithium it may be toxic in high doses.  In addition to these conditions bipolar medications my cause a condition known as, "Tardive Dyskinesia". Tardive Dyskinesia is a condition that may be permanent. People with Tardive Dyskinesia have problems with repeated movements of the tongue, face, or other

movement issues.

How Does Bipolar Disorder In Children Different From Bipolar Adults?

Currently the treatment of Bipolar Disorder in children may be less effective then treatment of adults. Often children experience more severe behavior problems and symptoms. Children are more likely to suffer from continual symptoms. This can significantly impact the ability for a Bipolar child to see meaningful recovery. It is important to look at a wide range of support for your child. Since Bipolar Disorder is a life-long disease it is important that you work with your child's teachers, doctors and therapists in order to help your child break the cycles of suffering. Good management of Bipolar Disorder must help to mitigate the impact of this illness in every aspect of their lives. While it is important to teach your child good life skills, Bipolar Disorder in children requires that we work with the child to build long lasting and meaningful support systems. For example a child may have a difficult time performing various tasks in life. This may lead to a breakdown in the ability of a child to deal with the basic life responsibilities. 

Although it may be hard for a child to do certain things on their own, it is possible to get everything they need taken care of in a responsible manner. Responsible behavior may be less about what a person can do as compare with what a person can get done. It is important to get an inventory of the life skills that a child possesses. From there a plan must be developed to either improve the life skills that a child has or to develop solutions for getting these needs taken care of. 

Bipolar Disease in children has been shown to impact their ability to participate in education. It is reasonable to understand that children with Bipolar Disorder may not have sufficient attention to successfully complete assignments or retain the information that they receive. It is very important to build a relationship with the educators that work with your child. 

Over time it is possible for children to realize meaningful recovery. When you work with doctors, therapists, and other professionals you will find medications and techniques that work for your child's specific needs. It is important to find a path for your child that directly effects your child's illness. Each person has different experiencess with Bipolar Disorder. Every path to recovery is specific to the person with disease. It is important to treat the person behind the disease. When you develop the person you have a good chance at mitigating the impact of their mental illness. 

How can I help My Bipolar Child?

It can be very hard to deal with the ramifications of Bipolar children. It is important to educate your self and to find support for yourself. The stress that is induced in you must be accounted for. You can find support for yourself from organizations like the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). NAMI offers education about mental illness, support for families and peer support. The United States government has several organizations that deal with mental health. These organizations like the fore mentioned National Institute Of Mental Health (NIMH) and the Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) offer great information and resources on Bipolar Disorder. Another good resource for dealing with Bipolar Disorder is the Depression & Bipolar Support Alliance.

It is important that you be patient with your child. Please encourage your child to talk about their problems. Be open and listen. Often a Bipolar person will feel isolated and alone. Open support for your child will help them to feel that they are not alone and understood. Help your child to educate themselves about their disease. Hold on to the belief that Bipolar Disorder in children is something that they can recover from. Your children can lead happy and productive lives. Work together closely and you will see lasting change for the better. 

The link between sleep and Bipolar Disorder is becoming more and more clear. A regular and consistent sleep schedule will help your child to deal better with their illness and can have a big impact on the cycles of Bipolar Disorder. 

Threats Of Suicide

It is important that your child receive immediate medical support if they talk about or demonstrate intentions to commit suicide. Every threat or indication must be taken seriously. Do not write off these indications as a need for attention. This could easily lead to the loss of your child. Sometimes these conditions exist because of reactions with medications. This is why it is important to address these issues with a competent medical professional. Another good resource is the toll-free suicide helpline 800-273-Talk (8255) this is run by the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

With your help and encouragement the Bipolar Disorder in children is treatable and manageable. With the right tools and resources you can succeed in helping to child with this often troublesome disease.