Belief vs Hope?

Which Is More Important In Mental Illness Recovery?

Journal of Semantics (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Recently, I’ve been following an interesting battle of semantics. Both were offering words of slight distinction. These terms were presented relative to mental illness. What you see posted below, is what I wrote in response to it. To both parties in the conversation, I give you credit. You have both identified matters of import. This is true even if these matters are wrapped in semantics. This discussion inspired me to write this as an article. These wrappers of linguistics cover an underlying fundamental principle about improving our lives. 

Parental Advisory: Explicit Semantics! (Photo credit: dullhunk)

Does It matter?

It may be just semantics or maybe not. It  does not matter what you call it belief or hope. There is a great barrier of fear in people. This fear is generally of the unknown. While in this state it is very common that people are reactionary and lack clear perspective. They don't realize what they can and cannot control.

They don't realize that the way that they have to look at things from this point forward is going to be entirely different. It can be hard to dismiss your entire ego. This presents a big challenge.

The Buddhists have been trying to tell us this for 2000  years. It is very hard to identify with our core being. Most of us identify with the present experience that we are having. These factors all contribute to limit our ability to make good / rational choices.

It Gets More Complicated

To compound this, people who are suffering from mental illnesses cannot identify with the life that is free from suffering. The suffering that they know is at least familiar and therefore more comforting than the vague promise of equanimity. It can be difficult to sever the attachment that we have to our suffering.

As a person does begin to believe or to become hopeful, they begin to have the ability to recover. In this way they have overcome the first hurdle. This hopefulness / belief may be based on an understanding that they have options. Options offer empowerment.

Belief & Hope!

As I have suggested, fear is the fear of the unknown. Our part of the puzzle is to help people to come to terms with, and understand their predicament. This helps them breed basic human understanding and compassion. This breeds the ability to self-advocate. Now, in this way, I can both believe in and have hope for people, not just the mentally ill.

Working With Those With A Mental Illness

We Work With People Not Diseases

When we work with others we have to remember two significant things. First, we are working with the human being not merely the social persona. Secondly, that the real work that we do is on us and not them. We do this work on ourselves because we have to face the numerous labels thoughts and feelings that we project on to the world. There are going to be times when you find it difficult to just interact with someone. Perhaps it's because of some aspect that we see in them. To be honest, sometimes it may be very superficial. Maybe the person you are working with has significant hygiene issues. This may prevent us from recognizing the person behind the hygiene. Some people that you work with can stimulate areas of social intolerance. Perhaps you don't have the same faith. Perhaps you don't have the same culture. Perhaps there's something else that sends you off. It doesn't matter whether it's superficial or not. It's all the same. It puts distance between you and them. When we have closed the distance between you and me, we become us.

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The Danish philosopher Kierkegaard said, "if you label me you negate me". There is no one label or group of labels that will ever typify who we are. Even in the Bible God says about himself that, "I am that I am". He does not even try to describe or label himself. The people that you work with are what they are too. They are the, "being", part of the human being. So placing labels on people negates them. It forces us to assign them more labels. This serves to separate us further. When we are working on ourselves, often it's going to start by us being simply ourselves. To give ourselves permission to be who we are and to remove the labels that we place upon ourselves. You have to recognize your being. This can be accomplished via the lens of compassion. It is the work that we will always do first. First we do it for ourselves, and then we are enabled to do it for others.

Recognize The Whole Being, The Human Being


But how do we achieve this? How do we recognize somebody's base humanity? How can we choose to see their humanity in a way that exceeds the boundaries of our own social judgments and limitations? One obvious example of this is a comment that Mother Theresa of India made about her work with people who have leprosy. She was asked how it was possible to work with people who had such obvious and physically abhorrent diseases. Mother Theresa simply said that she saw them as God in all his most distressing disguises. It is clear that she understood that the being that dwells within is divine. It is the sacred part of us. It happens to be the one thing that we all share in common. We are not what is being experienced, or the process of experiencing, we are the one who experiences. She was a great servant of humanity because she saw the being within, and accepted the being without.

Mother-Teresa-collage (Photo credit: Peta-de-Aztlan)

Understanding Our Practices

To train ourselves in this way, we are required to practice in this way. In order to see somebody else's humanity, you must see your own. In order to have sympathy for somebody's predicament, you must have it for your own predicament. This is what takes off the labels, the blinders, the hatreds, and the things that separate us. There's an interesting story about a young boy having a discussion with his father. The boy says that he's going to write a story about himself. The father thought for a moment. Then he suggested to the young man that if he is going to write a story about his life that he should do so in a way that teaches others about their own lives. When we go through this process of training and working on ourselves we do that so we can translate that to others.

If you work with people who have mental illnesses you're going to hear a lot of labels. These are lables that are used by society and ourselves. You may hear bipolar. You may hear depressed. You may hear schizophrenic. These terms communicate some generalities that we can use to gain perspective about an individual's predicament. Each person that we work with will have their individual path from their disease to their recovery. The Buddha suggests that we all have our own path up the mountain. Our job with others is to erase these labels. We must strive to help others find their path. When we help others to remove the labels that they placed upon themselves they will begin to find their own path. In the end we do this because this helps to remove one of the most insidious labels that we encounter. This is the label of," mentally ill".

One Way To Find Peace

This article is dedicated to Nancy Randolph, without her this could not have been written. She is one of my personal heroes. She works in Manitowoc, Wisconsin, at the Manitowoc County Human Services Department. She applied for the initial grant to start Painting Pathways Clubhouse. On behalf of the members and staff, thank you!!

Most of us can identify with a certain amount of suffering. Some are submerged in it all the time. It, suffering, is part of the human condition. Life can be hard sometimes. Fortunately, you can learn to grow. You can begin to move past much of the suffering. It can be hard to do so alone. We must look for teachers and companions who are willing to walk down the path with us for a while. Hopefully we will find this sort of mentor and friend. The caveat is that you have to actively seek out help and advice. This is a place where many falter. It is never easy to ask for help. But take the chance, it may just change your life. 

My life experiences gave me a pretty practical understanding of suffering. I began to see this going on in the lives of others also. I could identify with the terrible cost to the souls of those who suffer. That cost can easily spread to the friends and families around them. All of this has got me thinking. When I see someone who is suffering I just want them to know they are not alone. I want to help her. The question is how do we do it? 

I have already learned that the real magic happens when you can touch the person behind the trauma. It helps to establish a place of safe acceptance and compassion for that person. This demonstration of goodwill can dry up tears and encourage. To accomplish these things with people is a bit of an art. You have to be open to them, but not captivated by their crisis. You must be compassionate and decoupled from pity. This is manifested by two people talking openly and unmasked. Being open in this way is the real miracle that we experience. I get to see these events more often at this point in life and have become grateful in the process. Sometimes we can get caught up in the drama of others. The passions are intriguing. Will She? 

Won’t He? Will they have to operate?  Are you gonna go to jail? It is hard to not get caught up in the process and the drama. Many of these crisis's are heart wrenching. Our best role is that of gentle friend. What can we really tell them about their pain that they don’t already know? To hold their hand and cry with them may be the greatest human service you can provide.

You can get convinced that you must take action or the person will face peril. Thankfully humility is ubiquitous in the universe. It offers constant little reminders for those who choose to see them. Although we are occasional conduits of grace and good will, we are not the only source of grace that is available to others.

Jane & Eglinton (Photo credit: AshtonPal)

Life, in the face of our hubris, occasionally will show us an absolutely beautiful illustration of grace. This grace is demonstrated in simple, humble human interaction. It is a moment that is bigger than just that moment. It is a bond between two people. It is no different for you and me today. It is about us. At that moment there is a partnership that is built.  

The Buddha says that to gladden the mind, we should think of things of virtue. One of these moments of virtue has been in my remembrance always. As I watched the events transpire it gladdened my mind considerably. It taught me so much in just one moment.

I spend almost every day in a wonderful place called Painting Pathways Clubhouse. The clubhouse is a successful example of what makes a great community. It is the best that I have ever seen. Great passions and ideas are mediated into something truly impressive. Most of the people who make things happen and make decisions are the members. Members at a clubhouse are people who have a mental illness. It is clear that their mental illness does not prohibit accomplishment. The clubhouse is thriving because of the members. The staff would not be able to run the place on their own.

I have come to know and appreciate many new people in my time there. Most feel like adopting family to me at this point. But in this case, I met my friend Jane on a winter afternoon. She came into the clubhouse like many do. She was a bit confused and lacked confidence. She was a good person who really felt fear about almost everything. In the process of her life she lost a good job, her emotions, her ability to remember and all of her confidence. She was not sure if the clubhouse was right for her. What would she be forced to do? I think that I suggested trying to answer the phones. She broke out in a dead sweat and swore that there was no way that she could do that. She wasn’t sure if she can handle taking messages. 

I am not sure how it happens. She began to answer calls. There is a set of skills that someone has to master in order to operate the phones. She had already achieved more than she had expected to achieve. She found a place to sit. Other members and staff  worked side-by-side with her. She became part of the business unit at our club and answers the phone regularly now. A short training session was held so more people would know how to use the phone system.  They used my friend as the example receptionist. She did the job without a flaw.  It really touched me. “Do you see recovery is possible? Good for you, Jane! See, I knew you could do it.”, echoed through my thoughts. 

We went our separate ways for a while. I got involved in a few projects and saw Jane on occasion. We would say hello and pass. By that time I had gotten  pretty used to helping and supporting Jane. Often, I have been someone who she could talk to. One day I walked in and saw dear Jane in a state that I had seen before. This was not a posture of happiness, it was a crisis.

Boston in the View (Photo credit: Werner Kunz)

Instantly I saw the eye to eye contact she had with one of the staff members. The staff member showed incredible compassion and a face of hopeful acceptance. She cared for Jane in such a tender and human way. I captured an image of it. I went about my business in the usual way. She was getting what she needed. I was confident that she was in good hands. These two wonderful women will be etched in my memory as a moment of virtue and it still gladdens my mind. Like the song says, “We don’t always get what we want, but we get what we need”. 

Self-Compassion In Mental Health Recovery

Self-Compassion?

In our effort to find recovery for ourselves there are some challenges that are significant. It is normal that our experience up to this point has been filled with things that make us afraid. Fear can come from many places. Many of these fears make it hard for us to accept ourselves and our challenges.  This type of fear can make it very hard to accept things as they are. They can make it difficult to accept ourselves in a loving manner.  Without loving ourselves in this way it is likely that we will never make progress in our recovery.   Compassion for yourself will allow you to see your disease openly. It helps to remove the significant barriers that impacts our ability to change. With the power of a compassionate point of view we can look at those things that have hurt us. It helps us to accept that we have a disease. It also helps you to see the impact of your disease on those around you in a new way.

In the course of my mental illness I came to the realization that having a mental illness strikes deeper than just the mind. It becomes an affliction of the heart. The years of suffering dig deep within us and can eat us alive. These wounds are so tender that without the mechanisms of compassion we are not able to grow. Abraham Maslow [1968], that emotional maturity requires a mind that does not judge, is self-forgiving and includes a loving acceptance of self. Sometimes this can seem difficult to view ourselves in this light.

In doing my research I looked to see what various publications had to say about self-compassion and how one might empower them to accept themselves in this light. I would love to give you a simple light switch method which enables you to instantly be self-compassionate. Self-compassion is a lifelong process. There are many days with pain that cloud this perspective. We find that as we watch our pain then we start to understand it, the pain becomes instructive. This instruction is part of our learning in self-compassion. To be able to openly look at those things that imbibe us with suffering becomes transmuted into the power to overcome the death grip that is associated with our pain. It can free us from ruminating in pity for ourselves and can free our body, mind, and spirit.

What is self-compassion? The literal definition of compassion means “to suffer with”. Having compassion for yourself means that you have to recognize your suffering. You must look at this suffering in a kind and loving way. We have to allow ourselves to look at our disease openly and honestly. Our egos have been trained by our experience. Often this experience is derived from our process of becoming a social being. We get used to hearing that outside voice that tells us that we might not be, "good enough in another person’s point of view. We tend to believe whatever these outside voices tell us and take this to heart. This guilt, shame, blame and condemnation will kill our sense of self worth.

Self-compassion is a concept that is deeper than just your self-esteem. A bully can feel pretty good about beating someone else up. A person may think so highly of themselves that they can see nothing but their wants and desires. To make progress in recovery you must be able to see yourself clearly. You must forgo the judgments and condemnation. View yourself in a warm an accepting manner. We have to accept that in this process of recovery there will be bad days. There will be pain. Self-compassion will help us to accept the way things are now and give us perspective on how to change for the future.

According to Karen Neff PhD, an associate professor at the University of Texas at Austin, self-compassion has three main components. The first part is self-kindness. Self-kindness allows us to look at our failings and suffering with a gentle perspective and helps us to understand that bad things happen to good people. With self-kindness we are equipped to deal with the self-hatred and judgment we face. We can allow ourselves both the mistakes of the past and those of the present.

The next part of self-compassion is to realize our common humanity. All of us have had struggles, suffering and pain. When you realize that everyone experiences these things it helps us to understand not only that it is ok for us to have issues but that others around us may have some too. It breaks down the feeling that you are the only one with a problem. It helps us to be less isolated in our pain. We find that we are less judgemental about ourselves and others.

Self-compassion requires that we take a balanced look at our thoughts and emotions. This shows us the need to foster a place within ourselves that is aware of our thoughts and behaviors. To take this balanced approach we must develop our minds. This development of our minds may be called mindfulness. When we work to be aware of our thoughts and feelings we can deal with them openly. This makes perfect sense. If we do not realize that there are fears and judgments in our deepest thoughts we can do nothing to deal with them. They control us as compared to us controlling them. Even if we cannot control these feelings and thoughts being mindful of them and patient will in time lead to acceptance.

I encourage you to spend 5 minutes, two times per day, to sit quietly and watch your thoughts. While you look at your thoughts choose to look at yourself in a tender light. Be kind to yourself. Soon you will begin to notice that you are developing the person behind the disease. Once you can do this you are on your way to recovery.